NOVEMBER: New home, turning 47, and dreams of Calella.

Day 1: Friday November 11.

After weeks of sleepless nights, sleeping in because of muscle cramps, getting out of bed at 8:20 am was a distant memory. However, up I was and though the flesh was weak the spirit was willing. Dad had travelled up from Cornwall the day before and as promised turned up at 8:30 on the dot. God bless him.

We walked through the town to the Letting agency and signed the tenancy agreement and finally I had the keys to my new place. On returning to Orchard Street or as over the last nine years, four months and one week had come to know it, “Dog S**t Court.” We loaded up dad’s car with the junk that I had been hoarding over the years minus a very heavy oil radiator which luckily a scrap metal merchant collected the morning before after I heard them coming down the street. I felt more than a little guilty letting my dad do most of the lifting and carrying but I did what I could to help when we got to the recycle centre at Grendon but I am limited by my Buerger’s Disease.

Back home and after a brief two minute silence in memory of the fallen heroes on this, Armistice Day, the 11th hour of the 11th month of the 11th year, Dad in his car and me in my living room, we made three or four journeys to the new flat at the Uplands on Upper Gungate after which I’m sad to say my poor legs couldn’t take anymore. We called it a day at that and dad went for something to eat whilst I texted my baby bro Cliff asking him for his help the following morning.

I was going to have a couple of hours sleep but my friend Julie from Bristol was talking to me on Yahoo Messenger about my new flat and her high blood pressure and heart problems so I didn’t get my kip but I wouldn’t have rested until I knew she was reasonably okay, we did spend most of the summer together, Dad texted me to see if I was awake, (didn’t get to bed) he came down and loaded up his car with some more stuff to take straight up to the Uplands the following morning. I did stay up to follow the Ireland Vs Estonia game via updates on the internet as the match was only available on pay per view on Sky, Rupert “Satan” Murdoch’s foothold on his ambitious way to take over the world.

Quote for the Day:
“The fewer the facts the stronger the opinion.” Arnold. H. Glasgow, US entrepreneur.

Day 2: Saturday November 12.

Another early start by my recent standards, Cliff turned up on time and dad was only five minutes behind with Aunt Rose armed and dangerous with cleaning products. I must just like to make this point that if it wasn’t for my dad and Rose in particular that right now I may be girding myself for another harsh winter without heating or hot water in Orchard Street. Again I did what I could but Cliff and Dad did all the heavy work whilst Rose declared war on 9 years of grime and a sterling job she did to after we had all finished the vacuuming and getting rid of the cobwebs Team O’Connor left the landlord with nothing more than to replace the old carpet which wasn’t his to start with and give the place a lick of Magnolia paint (cringe) I f**king hate magnolia!

After dropping Rose back home Cliff drove me to the Uplands, this was it. Brave new world. I said I needed some sleep and he left to go and be with his daughters who he hadn’t seen all week. He suggested I roll the futon out and just crash but I decided to make a start and put the bed together. After about two hours and several swear words, several in Irish Gaelic, I managed to get it put together and went for a sleep.

Four hours later, I awoke and started unpacking, moving things where I wanted them for future tasks, one thing I’ve always prided myself is my logistic skills. I then started the Sisyphean task of cleaning starting with the kitchen, the heart of any home. I actually managed to get quite a lot done before a cup a soup, cheese and onion on biscuits then bed in the early hours. NB: They still haven’t cleared that rat’s nest from outside my back window after promising it would be done when Rose and I first viewed the property over four weeks ago; I’m hoping this isn’t a portent of things to come. My neighbour’s seem nice and I don’t think it will be long before I can sleep without ear plugs or open my door in the morning to be greeted by the sight of freshly laid dog faeces.

Thought for the day:
If a doctor does something wrong they is struck off, if a barrister does similar they are disbarred, a teacher suspended soldiers courts marshalled, a priest defrocked, you and I would be sacked so… why is it the complete opposite for bankers?


Day 3: Sunday November 13.

After a late night and the best night’s sleep I’d had in ages I was going to wash up but found that there wasn’t a plug for the kitchen sink. I spent my last £1 buying 4 onions from Morrison’s and trekked down to my old Costcutters just to by a sink plug, On the way down my legs were in pain and I was frustrated because I couldn’t wash up but I remember laughing, sometimes you must just bow to the absurd. I was actually amazed as to how much I got done later. The kitchen was two thirds to my liking, most of my things were now out of bags and into boxes and after an hour or so of connecting cables and a few more Gaelic and Anglo-Saxon swear words I connected all the utilities to my PC, All I need now is for Virgin Media to connect my phone, TV and Broadband, there’s only so much I can play 24 songs and how many games of solitaire one can play before going slightly mad.

I pressed on with the kitchen and was very pleased with my efforts but as in the past when I had invited guests over and wished to make a good impression I found myself constantly cleaning up after every little stain and was adversed to touching anything so I went back to the living room with all those boxes and started to move them around to save space in a bizarre real live version of Tetris.

I did manage to find Miriel’s moving in present of cushions and lovely card, thank you so much, they will make a lovely addition to the home when I find the chairs, lol.

Third night of cheese, onion and biscuits with cup a soups but then I am still in the mindset of creating more mess until I’ve cleaned properly and got things how I want them. Tired, I spent the early hours moving, cleaning little things and before I went to bed at around 4:30am wrote a database entitled “Thing s to do” To facilitate things.

Definition for the day:
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Day 3: Monday November 14.

Manic Monday: The start of a new week and time to take a brief break from cleaning and hobble into town to slay the ogres of officialdom. Before that I had to answer texts and calls from Cliff, dad and Rose when I eventually found my phone charger. After getting 100 meters, that’s 109.36 yards in real money I realized that I had forgotten the books and games I was to take to the charity shop but I was nearly at the doctor’s and my legs were cramping up. I requested a form for a change of address and a form so that I can book future appointments with Dr Bruce (lovely Scotsman) online.

Off into town, first stop, council. Change of circumstances, which was a lot quicker than I thought judging by previous encounters with municipal b*ll*cks. The lady was very helpful and I got things sorted quickly, I was told that I needed to provide them with my tenancy agreement.

Next stop, Cash converters to sell my complete first series of Star Trek The Next Generation on Video but they don’t do videos anymore so I plan to put them on EBay, a collector will snap them up.

A quick 10 minute look in Wilkinson’s for some space saving ideas gave me food for thought, there were some very good deals and I made note of several items for future reference but I need to sort the essentials out first, (Database). Most notably were a small shelf for the bathroom, and a utensil holder, neither of which are a priority right now.

Thought for the day:
Good advice is seldom worth anything, wise men don’t need it and fools never listen.

Rutherford’s was my next stop for my copy of the tenancy agreement which I was informed wasn’t available until the following morning (type faster). The DWP change of circumstances was also quicker than I expected, I was only on hold for two minutes (EON take note) and in the mean time I was treated to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, summer movement. All done then it was back home for some more scrubbing, Aunt Rose and Uncle Pete came round literally 15 minutes after I got home to give me a new set of bedding as a home warming gift and I slept very well that night, thank you both. It was probably then, when they were my first “official visitors” that I started to smile and started to believe that this was a place that I wouldn’t be embarrassed about inviting people in unlike “Dog S**t Court” with “Chav Drug Dealer Central.” across the road.

I stayed up until 5am mainly because I was buzzing with ideas and couldn’t settle the kitchen was almost clean, vegetable bins, toasted sandwich maker, and oven to clean withstanding. On the plus side, I stored a few things in the loft space and for the first time managed to shut the bathroom door. Also, I cooked something wholesome to eat instead of the packet soups I’d been living on. Okay, it was only oven chips, fish fingers, peas and garlic mayo but it was a start. I did a few more little things before I decided enough was enough because I lost track of time and it was 5am before I noticed.

Definitions for the day:
Banker: A person who gives you an umbrella when the sun is shining but demands it back when it starts to rain.
Consultant: A person who borrows your watch to tell you the time.

Day 4: Tuesday November 15.

I was rudely woken by the sound of the smoke alarm beeping, obviously I had run out of credit, and the electric had run out. I went back to sleep and two hours later Liz from the landlord’s office came round with a side door key, (which doesn’t work.) I would have thought that she would have tried it first! When I finally got my @r$€ in gear, The doctor’s was my first stop for a change of address then back to Orchard Street to check on mail as the £8 I paid for mail direction for one month doesn’t begin until Thursday. I soldiered on despite the cramp in my legs and gave about a dozen books and a couple of games to the charity shop Sue Ryder Care before collecting my tenancy agreement from Rutherford’s then taking said agreement to the council, I was interviewed by the same lady as the day before and though it took a while I got the first month’s rent paid to my account. (Sorted Dad.)

Last stop and running out of time it was my 73rd blood donation at the assembly rooms, I was late because of a delay at the council amending my details and taping a bathroom shelf and browsing other items in Wilkinson’s for my new home. I was actually shocked to discover that I may have to wait until 5:35pm (nearly an hour) to donate. Worse was to come. I was told that my HB level (Iron) was to low, 135 is the minimum they accept and mine was 111. I was referred back to my doctor and was unable to donate. Another puzzle for him to solve, maybe he will get his name in the Lancet.

I have decided to move the freezer into the hall and get a fridge to slot into that space. It will make more room. I’ve also decided to get rid of a few former sentimental things. My main concerns this evening as I prepare for supper and bed are I can’t find my passport, I will have to go through my boxes tomorrow after I pay my bills. Anyway, after the exact same supper as last night and a double Mulligatawny soup it’s time for bed. I will get to make that Mushroom Stroganoff that I bought the onions for and to use the mushrooms up because I haven’t a fridge yet soon. I hate waste and I’ve already had to throw out a third of a loaf of bread because it had gone mouldy even in the cool bag.

Thought for the day: If you can’t pay a priest for an exorcism can you be repossessed?

Day 5: Wednesday November 16.

Wednesday! Pay day, read: pay bills day. I slept in again but I don’t think I got to bed until 5:30 am in the morning, if I start something I just can’t stop. To paraphrase Samuel Beckett “Perhaps my best days are behind me but I would not trade them for the fire that is in me now.”

Late in the afternoon I made my way into town, first stop Post Office to get my money then down to Rutherford’s to inform them that the key doesn’t fit, I bent it trying and I don’t want to be liable for new locks if it broke, certainly not with the rip off rates locksmiths charge. I also had to give them a nudge that the rat’s nest outside my window is STILL there. By then time was moving on and I wanted to get to the Building Society before they close to pay some money into my account.

I made it with time to spare and even had time to go back on myself to Poundland for some cigarette papers. I ended up spending £7! Well, I did need some scouring sponges and a diary for next year. I also bought 3 boxes of Lancashire tea (Easter I think before I need to by anymore) and a small jar of Red Mountain coffee, I rarely drink it myself but, as like this morning my milk had evolved into a new life form, bred, formed its own religion and emancipated cows, I like black coffee plus I can offer guests coffee instead of just tea for the first time in months. Just to reiterate, I want this new home to be a place that I would be happy to invite visitors in which I was never comfortable at Orchard Street.

The Coop was my next stop for a lottery ticket (You never know) and to put £20 on my electric key, I really must work out these storage heaters as I’m running up a huge bill. I didn’t do any shopping there as the prices are a little steep, okay I like the Coop mainly because of their ethical fair trade policy but they never seem to have what I want, the store is very elderly orientated, I think they still sell gravy browning. So I left and as my legs were getting slowly worse I decided to stop off at Bond’s for a rest and a pint. I took a seat, opened up my crossword magazine, and just watched the world go by for an hour or so.

As the night was drawing in I popped back to the Coop just to pay my TV license payment and Council tax before making my way home.

I had already decided to stop off at Morrison’s and get my groceries in, I mean, I don’t have a lot of spare cash but at least the bills are paid and I have food in. I spent £30.07 in the end but there was nothing extravagant. I bought the now obligatory cup a soups and also, cheese, a nice sized chicken for £4, sweet corn and a pint of Cravendale milk which will keep longer until I can get a fridge, surely someone will be wanting to get rid of one on Freecycle. Failing that I still have £50 in Amazon vouchers and the option of taking out a loan at the Tamworth Credit Union.

I think those mushrooms won’t survive much longer so I think I shall make that Mushroom Stroganoff (Yum ) with my special mashed potato for supper. Tomorrow I don’t think I need to go out so I can finish off the kitchen to the best I can without a fridge, then I want to go through these boxes and find my passport, I really don’t want to report this one as missing like the last one. Eventually I might even get started on the bathroom before the weekend but it is all in hand and in my master plan in my head.

Quote for the day:
“If you want to know what God thinks about money just look at some of the people he gives it to.”
Rosemary Snelson (neé Reid)