Well, Thursday's quiz is almost finished all but a little tweaking. I've also updated the rules sheet and I should have the new picture completed in time for when we have used up the last ones. (There's only two left.) I want to introduce something new as soon as possible that is based on a suggestion from John of VCJD (see below.) My only real concern is who is going to collect the money and look after it. Enjoy your evening and I shall see you all in the New Year.

The Leprechaun's Pot 'O' Gold

Separate from the main quiz, This is for individuals. Basically you pay £1 to enter and I will ask a tough question. The nearest person to the answer wins half “Me Pot ‘O’ Gold”. Get it spot on and You win the lot and I hop around cursing you! At the end of the month if the pot hasn’t been won, the nearest answer claims the lot!

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

The name of the Japanese speciality of batter-dipped, deep-fried pieces of fish or vegetables is Tempura.

The US retailing giant known by the acronym GUS is Great Universal Stores.

The term, for an informal, non-standard and allegedly classless English spoken by young people, takes its name from the accent's origins on the banks of the Thames in Essex and Kent is Estuary English.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. Which town - famous in song - is the county town of Kerry in Ireland?

2. What term is used to describe those criminal offences which are tried only by magistrates without a jury?

3. 'In a Summer Garden', 'walk to the Paradise Garden' and 'On Hearing the First Cuckoo in Spring': who is their English composer?

Joke Of The Day:First Day at School...

It was the first day of 3rd grade, and a new school for Johnny. As a test, the teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.
Some did very well, counting as high as 30 and 40 with just a few mistakes.
Others couldn't get past 20.
Johnny, however, did extremely well. He counted past 50, right up to 83. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."
The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Most made it about half way through without much trouble. Some made it to M and N, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet right to W.
That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "Son, that's because you are from Alabama."
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly well endowed. This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama,?" he asked.
"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

quiz417

Quiz 417

Last quiz of the year, Where did the last twelve months go? Nevermind there is no respite as I shall be back (and hopefully a lot of you) on January 3rd. Apologies for not updating the blog last Monday but I was a little busy. Today's is later than I would've liked because I didn't get to bed until 2:30 am and had to be up at 7am for what I was told was " a small beer delivery, only 10 barrels." at Bond's. 10 barrels my arse! try 28 barrels and 76 cases. grrrrrrrrrrrrr, gobshite. Last night's winners were a much depleted Alliance team (Thanks for the pint Gareth, I'm glad your quiz went well, Slàinte.) who were without Bob the gob and Margaret. (Hurry back soon both.) with 80 pts. VCJD were second five points back on 75 and third place went to The Props with 69 points. A special mention for Dolphins Vicars and Tarts who were a new team and I am hoping will become regulars. Nice people. I shall make a start on next week's quiz tomorrow in between the mountain of laundry and dishes I've neglected to do. The guest round is due to be Reverse Scattergories. The next update is due on New Year's Eve. In the meantime, quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk is my email address if you wish to contact me for any reason. Finally, let me take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy New Year.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond 2. Strictly Come Dancing Winner and former Mis Teeq member Alesha Dixon 3. Will Smith 4. Poltergeist child actress Heather O'Rourke 5. Marlene Dietrich 6. Kylie Minogue (in her Dr Who Christmas special uniform) 7. Tottenham Hotspur's Belgian midfilder Steed Malbranque 8. Sri Lankan spin bowler Muttiah Muralitharan 9. French President Nicolas Sarkozy 10. Janis Joplin (just for Viv, Enjoy your New Year in Germany.)

Three For Fun (Last week's answers)

In the Bible, the meaning of the word 'Gethsemane' is "Olive Press."

George Armstrong Custer: was a Lieutenant Colonel at the time of his death at the Battle of the Little Big Horn.

The alternative name given to the loading line mark on the side of a ship's hull is the Plimsoll Line.

Today's questions (answers on New Year's Eve)

1. What name is given to the Japanese speciality of batter-dipped, deep-fried pieces of fish or vegetables?

2. Which US retailing giant is known by the acronym GUS?

3. Which term, for an informal, non-standard and allegedly classless English spoken by young people, takes its name from the accent's origins on the banks of the Thames in Essex and Kent?

Joke of the Day

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped.The bear froze. The forest was silent.As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'? The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?'Very Well,' said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

quiz416

quiz 416

We managed to scrape four teams together at The Albert last Night for the Christmas quiz It was an enjoyable night and everyone enjoyed the free chocolates (especially Jane of VCJD.) I staggered home afterwards only to stop into The New Mayflower Chinese takeaway in Church Street for my free 2008 calendar and some extremely tasty chicken wings in Peking sauce. In a very close contest, our Christmas winners were VCJD with 80 points, The Magic Numbers (welcome back) were second a point behind on 79 and The Alliance came in third a point behind that on 78. A special mention has to go to fourth placed Brick thumbies who I bullied to enter the quiz and scored 60. Thanks guys. Good luck to Gareth who is presenting his quiz tonight and May I take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas and I hope to see you all next Thursday stuffed full of turkey and stuffing (oooooh matron!) quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk if you wish to contact me and I'll update again on Christmas Eve after I've finished taking charge of Bond's Christmas top up order from 7am brrrrrrrrr.

Questions and Answers.

Last night's pictures were: 1. Santa Claus 2. X Factor winner Leon Jackson 3. Michael Parkinson 4. Uri Gellar 5. Home Secretary Jacqui Smith 6. Jenny Agutter 7. The new England football coach Fabio Capella 8. Halle Berry 9. Patrick Stewart 10. Russian tennis star Svetlana Kuznetsova

Three For Fun (Monday's answers)

1. 'Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.' was aline written by American Humourist Dorothy Parker.

The name that is shared by the main units of currency in Cyprus, Egypt, Lebanon and Syria is Pound.

Thanatology is the scientific study of Death.

Today's questions (answers on Christmas Eve)

1. In the Bible, what is the meaning of the word 'Gethsemane'?

2. George Armstrong Custer: what was his army rank at the time of his death at the Battle of the Little Big Horn?

3. What alternative name is given to the loading line mark on the side of a ship's hull?

Joke Of The Day:The Russian Genie...

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly."
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.
The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka.
She gets the glass but asks him "Boris, why do we only need one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."

I hope you all enjoyed the pre christmas weekend, I myself have been very busy putting the Christmas quiz together. I put the music tape together last night and I've just checked it this afternoon, It's a little ropey as it is from a CD this week but I believe its passable. My biggest headache this week is trying to think of a celebrity for the Who Am I? Guest Round. I also have the picture round to do and a further 17 questions , but it looks like being around 50/50 Christmas questions and others. I'm hoping to get it all but done by tomorrow night but I'm taking delivery of Bond's massive Christmas order tommorrow morning at 7am and if it was anything like last year's I'll pretty shagged out by the end of the afternoon. I hope to see all your smiling Jolly faces on Thursday (Not Bob's smile... minger, hehehe. j/k). quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk if you have any questions or comments between now and Thursday evening.

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

The main distinguishing feature of all species of ratite, the most primitive group of birds is that they are flightless because they have a keel-less breastbone.

At around 4700 square miles, the Negev Desert occupies approximately 60 per cent of Israel.

The Treasuries of the Holy Roman Empire can be found in Vienna.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. 'Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.' Which American humorist wrote this line? (Which is absolute nonsense in my opinion)

2. What name is shared by the main units of currency in Cyprus, Egypt, Lebanon and Syria?

3. Language: Thanatology is the scientific study of what?

Joke Of The Day:Landlord Letters...

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

15. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

quiz415

Quiz 415

Last night was quite enjoyable, Wow! That's twice in three weeks, I hope continues next week for the Christmas quiz which I've yet to start but I'm absolutely buzzing with ideas i just need to get them down on screen and also find that cheesy Christmas CD for the music tape. I think dropping Scattergories was a positive move, what do you think? I also, albeit begrudgingly thought having 5 minute cigarette breaks worked well if it gets more people through the door I'm all for it. However, its not going to be EVERY 5 minutes, I will draw the line there, I don't like to stop when I'm on a roll. Last night's winners were The Alliance with 79pts, VCJD were second six points behind on 73 and The Bookends made up the top three on 70pts. It's allways nice to have them back I just wish they could take part more often. Finally a mention for The Tingle of Anticipation who came 4th on 69pts, better luck next time guys. Just looking across at the database I can see next week's guest round is scheduled to be "Who Am I", five clues to a famous person. Have a look at the two videos I've selected just before the "Joke of the Day" and enjoy. WARNING: the first one contains brief swearing. Enjoy the weekend, stay warm and I'll see you next week for a medicinal glass of mulled wine. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk for questions or comments. (Thanks Viv for the very naughty Christmas ecard.) And finally, good luck to Gareth with his Christmas quiz.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Former Eastender and I'm a Celebrity contestant Marc Bannerman 2. Scott Maslen who plays Jack Branning in Eastenders 3. James Dean 4. Amy Winehouse 5. West Ham's Peruvian midfielder Nolberto Solano 6. Russell Brand 7. Russell Crowe 8. Minister for Transport Ruth Kelly 9. Newly crowned BBC Sport's Personality of the Year Joe Calzaghe 10. Actress Rosario Dawson (sorry for that one, bit too tough)

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

In House of Commons Procedure, The Sergeant at Arms is responsible for the security of the House.

Wardour Street in London's Soho district is best known as the centre of the film industry?

The arm of the Meditterranean Sea that lies between the north coast of Corsica and Italy is The Ligurian Sea.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. What is the main distinguishing feature of all species of ratite, the most primitive group of birds?

2. At around 4700 square miles, the Negev Desert occupies approximately 60 per cent of which Middle Eastern country?

3. Museums: In which European city are the Treasuries of the Holy Roman Empire?

Jokes.

Have a look at these two videos I found on youtube. Mr Happy Goes to Chavland and Animator vs Animation for the computer buffs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFiZcYl0wUU&NR=1

Joke Of The Day:Cuckoo Clock...

At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself.
The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and I replied, "Midnight, just like I said."
She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she answered, "Last night when it cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said 'Shit!,' cuckooed four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then started giggling."

Sorry, been a mad day today. I have got half of next week's quiz done I still need a four-part answer for the Pyramid round, another six songs for the music tape, the pictures and various other questions. This week I have decided to drop the Scattergories round as it seems to becoming very unpopular, I haven't got anything to replace it with though I am very interested in John from VCJD's idea of a seperate "Blockbuster" round ( title needs some work) that will be seperate from the main quiz. Read below and see what you think, I value any input.

"Several quizzes we have attended have held different forms of ‘Blockbusters’ at half time. Really a quiz within the quiz and paid for separately. They all really worked on the same format. That is, you paid a separate sum of money to enter, usually a £1 and for that you had the opportunity to answer the question . These questions were usually along the lines of ; To the nearest 1000. How many sheep were there in Australia in 1926 or what was the milk yield in outer Mongolia in February of 1998. Essentially they were questions that no-one would possibly know the answer. If by chance someone did then they would win the pot. If not the nearest to the answer would win £5 and the money in the pot would be carried forward to the following week. After say 5 weeks when the pot had reached a tidy sum use a question that could be answered. Say the height of Everest. The principal of this is twofold. People like to win money in a lottery and secondly if you have invested money into something you will keep returning in order to have an opportunity of getting your money back."

Interesting. See what you think. The only problems I have initially with it are Who is going to collect and look after the money, Kate is too busy and I don't like handling the money part of the quiz, I've far to busy trying to present the quiz. Secondly, I have a problem that people may try and access the internet just to win the pot. Ideas? suggestions? quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk please. I hope to see a full house on Thursday and I'll leave you with the Questions and Answers and a joke.

Answers to Friday's questions

In London: Old Kent Road and Edgware Road both follow part of the path of Watling Street.


The painter, best known for his portraits who was the first President of the Royal Academy was Sir Joshua Reynolds.

3.Danforth, CQR and Stockless are three common forms of anchor.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. House of Commons Procedure: The holder of which office is responsible for the security of the House?

2. Which street in London's Soho district is best known as the centre of the film industry?

3. What is the name of the arm of the Meditterranean Sea that lies between the north coast of Corsica and Italy?

Joke Of The Day:Alcohol Warnings...

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy

quiz414

Quiz 414

After last week's heady heights of 11 teams it was back to reality with a bang yesterday. Only 4 teams took part and I have to say I really believe that the smoking ban is to a greater or lesser degree responsible. We have just three more quizzes this year so I hope in the New Year things will improve. Anyway forgive the late post as this is the first time I've had chance to sit at my computer today. Been a very strange day. Last night's joint winners were The Alliance and VCJD both on a very impressive 94 pts each and third place went to Pete's missing with 80 pts. I shall try and get as much of next week's quiz done over the next two days, well that's the plan anyway but when does anything ever go to plan? Just looking over to the quiz plan on the far wall I can see that next week's Guest Round is due to be a Pyramid. I've got no ideas for it just yet but I believe sometime over the next 3 or 4 days I'll have an epiphany. Okay, enjoy the weekend, I'll update again on Monday. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk if you wish to contact me. (hanks Viv, sorry to hear the water rates have gone up). I'll leave you with the Questions and answers and a good joke to get you in the mood for the weekend. Oh yes! I must remember to put those past quizzes I've been saving for Gareth since October in my file for next week.

Questions and Answers

Last night's Celebrity Matchword answers were: Indian Summer House, Joss Stick Insect, Power Point Blank, Special Branch Line, Blue Chip Shop, Easy Street Corner, Baking Soda Syphon, Unleaded Petrol Pump, Daisy Chain Gang, Scarlet Fever Pitch, Yellow River Bank, Free Spirit Level. he celebrity was Minnie Driver.

Yesterday's COLOUR pictures were: 1. New King of the Jungle Christopher Biggins 2. X-Factor Judge Dannii Minogue 3. The Duchess of Cornwall 4. Blackburn Rover's David Bentley 5. British-born Iranian comedian Omid Djalili 6. Alicia Silverstone 7. Montgomery Clift 8. Minnie Driver 9. Singer Joan Baez 10. Russian Pole vaulter and world record holder Yelena Isinbayeva.

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

In English Law, the Hilary sittings begin in January.

The sculptures Reclining Figure and Madonna and Child, and the Shelter Sketchbooks, drawn during the Blitz while he was an official war artist, are well known works by the twentieth-century English sculptor Henry Moore.

The Yorkshire town famous for its choral society, founded in 1836 is Huddersfield.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. London: Old Kent Road and Edgware Road both follow part of the path of which ancient Roman road?

2. Which painter, best known for his portraits, was the first President of the Royal Academy?

3.Danforth, CQR and Stockless are three common forms of which piece of maritime equipment?

Joke of the Day

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have thechild.If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how hewould know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would thenarrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. "SEND EXTRA SAUCE".

Thanks for all the emails, I always enjoy receiving them. This week's quiz is progressing swimmingly, the music was completed yesterday with an absolute classic to finish off (no clues). I thought of a good Tempus Fugit question and got all but one of the pictures ready which WILL this week be in colour. I have to go out shortly so I'll leave you with the Three for Fun and the Joke of the Day and hope that there are as many of you at The Albert as there were last week. quizard_97@yahoo.uk is my email if you wish to contact me in the meantime.

Three for Fun (Saturday's answers)

The hereditary disease thought to have caused the mental disturbance suffered by George III for long periods of his life is Porphyria.

According to legend Alexander the Great cut the Gordian knot with his sword, thus laying claim to becoming ruler of Asia

In legal matters the act of parliament abbreviated as PACE is the Police and Criminal evidence act.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. In English Law, in which month do the Hilary sittings begin?

2. The sculptures Reclining Figure and Madonna and Child, and the Shelter Sketchbooks, drawn during the Blitz while he was an official war artist, are well known works by which twentieth-century English sculptor?

3. Which Yorkshire town is famous for its choral society, founded in 1836?

Joke of the Day: Pearls of wisdom

Ah, yes divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. - Roseanne

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" - Dave Barry

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. - Jay Leno

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts? - Jay Leno

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." - Elayne Boosler

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So, what's the problem? - Jay Leno

When the sun comes up, I have morals again. - Elayne Boosler

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." - Jerry Seinfeld

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. - George Carlin

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. - Lewis Grizzard

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job.But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. - Jeff Foxworthy

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams

Quiz 413

Right, I'm back. Thank you all for being patient. I'm just got reconnected about an hour ago (I can't believe I've got all my TV channels back and there is shag all worth watching!) and I am just catching up on the six weeks I've been away. There have been a lot of people I've needed to email to let them know. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk if you want to get in touch with me for any reason. And... Just a quick note... Congratulations to Margaret and Gareth of The Alliance who celebrated their wedding anniversary yesterday, hope you both had a great day.

I was a little anxious about Thursday's quiz as it was a charity event organised by Dawn from the Tweedale and I really didn't know what to expect. I needn't have worried, it was a great night, eleven teams competed and we managed to raise 0ver £160 for MacMillan Cancer Research so give yourselves a well earned round of applause. Our winners on the night were The Yak Slayers (Where do they get these names from?) with 93 pts and both The Alliance and VCJD were joint second with 91 pts each. I'll leave you with the Questions and Answers and the Joke of the Day and update again on Monday.

Questions and Answers

Thursday's pictures were: 1. Dennis Bergkamp 2. Omar Sharif 3. Davina MCall 4. Lee Harvey Oswald 5. Michael Howard 6. Paula Radcliffe 7. Marge Simpson 8. Benny Hill 9. Morgan Spurlock 10. Catherine Deneuve

Three for Fun (answers on Monday)

1. What is the name of the hereditary disease thought to have caused the mental disturbance suffered by George III for long periods of his life?

2. According to legend, who cut the Gordian knot with his sword, thus laying claim to becoming ruler of Asia?

3. In legal matters, which act of parliament is abbreviated as PACE?

Joke of the Day:

Stupid people awards

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).The 1997 nominees are:

NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

NOMINEE No.2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo,Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could asthe source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft.

" NOMINEE No.3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson. 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

NOMINEE No.4 [UIPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto Skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

NOMINEE No.5 [Bloomburg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage(and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut, up in his, near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

NOMINEE No..6 [The News of the Weird.] Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

NOMINEE NO.7 ["The. Indianapolis Star"] A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion - Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

NOMINEE No.8 lAP, St. Louis] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store; paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

NOMINEE No.9 [Unknown] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

NOMINEE No.10 [Associated Press, Kincaid] Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party. A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tougue state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, 'I'II show you how to set it off."