Monday 28 January 2008

quiz421/update

Wow!!!! I have been busy recently. Pictures are ready to be printed and the quiz for this Thursday is almost finished, albeit for the obigatory tweeking. I only need one sport's question and one general knowledge because I don't like one that I wrote on Saturday and intend to remove it. The only other things I need to get done before printing on Thursday afternoon is to put the new answer sheets into their respective wallets (Ma bête noire.) Although, after last weeks poor showing there isn't much to do in that respect and I'll do that straight after publishing this post. Also, I need to finish the TV theme tunes guest round, I have the first one but have been putting off finishing it off over the weekend as it can be tedious. Don't get me wrong, I really like this guest round but, it's such a chore to put together. The Leprechaun's Pot 'O' Gold will be won on Thursday. One lucky person will be walking away with something in the region of £50!!!! I have a question prepared and the closest person to the answer will grab the whole lot, good luck to all. Questions, comments? Anything you wisy to know between now and Thursday contact me on: quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk Finally, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish Gareth of The Alliance a very Happy Birthday for Thursday and hope you will all join me in making this Thursday night a great one.

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

The book of the Old Testament that was written by the prophet Jeremiah, mourning the destruction of the First Temple and of Jerusalemand the fate of the righteous King Josiah is Lamentations.


The rank of the RAF that is equivalent to a Sub-Lieutenant in the Royal Navy and a Lieutenant in the army is Flying Officer.

The nickname given to Haydn's Symphony 92, which was performed when he came to Britain to receive an honarary doctorate is The Oxford Symphony.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. Spandau, Schoeneberge and Charlottenburg are three districts of which European capital city?

2. What is the name of the long-running musical, with book, lyrics and music by Willy Russell, that tells the tale of twins Eddie and Mickey seperated as children who grew up in radically different situations?

3. The famous ballerinas Alicia Markova and Lydia Sokolova are of which nationality?

Joke of the Day.

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.

'They then parted ways.Some years later they met again.

The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'

The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'She replied,

'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer bloody 'candle.'


Friday 25 January 2008

quiz421

Quiz 421

I was a little disapointed last night that we only had four teams last night after having ten last week. Our joint winners last night were The Alliance and VCJD with 77pts each and third place went to Drunks Aloud on 72. I have already begun next week's quiz, the music tape is already done and I have a question for Tempus Fugit. I have also albeit briefly, started the guest round which next week will be the ever popular TV theme tunes.I've just been notified of an email I received from 10 Downing Street, so going to see what my mate Gordy wants. Maybe he's going to offer me Peter Hain's old job. Oh and take a look at the Joke of the Day. It's a long one but well worth the read.

Leprechaun's Pot 'O' Gold

Last night's question was: In years and days how long did the longest-ruling European monarch reign for? The monarch in question was Louis XIV of France, The Sun King, who ruled France for 72 years and 111 days. Scott in the bar was very close. In fact he was only 69 days out with his guess of 72 years 180 days, so £9.50, half of last nights pot was his. The other £9.50 rolls over to next week with the monies from the previous two weeks which makes our starting prize £31.50 plus whatever we collect next week and that Pot MUST be won next week. So whoever is closest to the answer could be walking away with something in the way of £50!!!!!!!!!! For that sort of money I might have a guess myself, but I'd probably get it wrong. One final point before Questions and Answers. Last night I proposed to roll the pot over in five week ecrements to give the teams that only come once a month a chance. However it was pointed out to me by Margaret of The Alliance that It should stay as it is the last Thursday of the month because the people who come every week put the most in. A good point well made I think. Thank You Margaret. Any other useful comments or questions, my email address as always is quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk

Questions and Answers

Last night's Dingbat answers were: 1. Eyes on the prize 2. Where there's a will there's a way 3. Turn a deaf ear 4. A broken heart 5. Red Cross 6. Light at the end of the tunnel 7. The Grapes of Wrath 8. An old score to settle 9. A snake in the grass 10. Barking up the wrong tree

Last night's pictures were: 1. Johnny Depp 2. Homer Simpson 3. Marilyn Monroe 4. Dancing on Ice co presenter Holly Willoughby 5. Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler 6. Steven Tyler's actress daughter Liv Tyler 7. Newcastle United and England striker Michael Owen 8. Scottish golfer Colin Montgomerie 9. The late Chess Grand Master Bobby Fischer 10. Tatyana Ali who played Will Smith's cousin Ashley Banks in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and celebrated her 29th birthday yesterday. Top babe.

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

In the Christian religion, the name given to the highest of the Nine Orders of Angels is Seraphim.

In legal terms a contemnor is Someone who commits a contempt of court.


A lee tide is A tide that flows in the same direction as the wind.

Todays questions (answers on Monday)

1. Which book of the Old Testament was written by the prophet Jeremiah, mourning the destruction of the First Temple and of Jerusalemand the fate of the righteous King Josiah?

2.Which rank in the RAF is equivalent to a Sub-Lieutenant in the Royal Navy and a Lieutenant in the army?

3. What nickname is given to Haydn's Symphony 92, which was performed when he came to Britain to receive an honarary doctorate?

Joke Of The Day:Idiots Everywhere...


IDIOTS AT WORK...I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.


ADVICE FOR IDIOTS...An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."


IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE...My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce. "He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


IDIOTS IN THE NEWS...Buffalo Channel 4 News on October 20th,1999 informed its captivated audience that when selling their computer, the best way to erase the files on your computers hard drive is by drilling a hole in the drive its self! "By drilling a hole in the drive its self, you make it impossible for the new owner to get your files." No fucking kidding, idiot!


IDIOT SIGHTINGS...Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."


Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"


Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.


Sighting #4: I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.


Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open." Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" "I know," answered the young man. - "I already got that side."


Sighting #6: I work in a hospital and one day the doctor and I were asking a pregnant lady some questions upon admission to the maternity ward. When we asked her who we should call in case of an emergency, she stated "911".


Sighting #7: My daughter was going over to the neighbour’s house to visit but didn't want to miss a call from her boyfriend so she took the cordless phone with her. While at the neighbours she wanted to check back at home to see if her younger brother was okay. My daughter then picked up the neighbours phone and dialled our number. While waiting for someone to answer the phone at home, the phone she brought over with her began to ring. She immediately hung up the neighbour’s phone and answered our phone. There was no one there. She wanted to know who it was who called so she used our phone to call our house. The line was busy. Getting very frustrated she left the neighbours to go home and see who was on the phone. No one was on the phone. My daughter could not figure out what was going on until someone explained it to her.


Sighting #8: As systems manager of an answering service a few years back I had the pleasure of working with an especially ignorant doctor. Our system was trying to fax her messages to her place of business when a message came back informing us her fax was out of paper. When I called her office and told her about this she replied, "Oh, I'm all out of bond paper. Could you fax me some?" I'm right on it, Babe.


Sighting #9: I was in McDonalds one time when the lady in front of me ordered a cheeseburger and requested no cheese. Now I don't know about you but that sounds like a hamburger to me.


Sighting #10: Many years ago I worked in a delicatessen. The assistant manager had burnt something in the oven and smoke was pouring from the kitchen area. When the store manager came by and asked why she hadn't opened the emergency fire exit door to allow the smoke to go outside she said, "I thought about it but I couldn't find the key!"


Sighting #11: I was sitting at my University bar with some friends the other day when we overheard a man talking on his mobile phone. He was saying that he wanted to "buy, buy, buy" some shares and "sell, sell, sell" some shares. Unfortunately for him, his mobile phone actually began to ring!!! The laughter in the bar was heard for miles!! Now that's what I call an IDIOT!


Sighting #12: A friend of mine and I were on a little road trip with his wife driving. Everything was pretty quiet when she turned to us and asked, "If you are driving 70mph, about how far would you go in an hour?" Oh yeah, she's a smart one.


Sighting #13: Calling the telecommunication company to inform them my phone didn't work and that when I picked up the receiver it’s completely dead, the technician said from the other end "Are you calling from the number of the phone that does not work?"



Monday 21 January 2008

quiz420/update

Monday, Monday. Looks good to me. In that, Thursday's quiz is almost finished, several days early. All I need are three sports qustions and Three entertainment questions. I have a question for the Pot 'O' Gold, I breezed through the music tape on Saturday afternoon before I went to the pub, The Dingbats guest round I completed late last night and I've even put all the answer sheets into their respective folders, a job that I hate because it is so tedious. The picture round is also printed and is currently sitting on top of my printer waiting for me to trim them to size with my.. erm, trimmer. I haven't managed to get down to Kallkwik to get the rest of the Picture clues version 3.0 printed yet as I'm a little strapped for cash after the weekend but don't worry, I'll get something sorted by Thursday. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk for questions and comments as always. I'm going to try and think of these sport and entertainment questions now, so I'll see you all on Thursday. Hopefully as many of you who were at The Albert last week.
Three for Fun (Friday's answers)
Vaughn Williams' song cycle 'On Wenlock Edge' is comprised of musical settings of A. E. Housman's poems.

The Magellan's Strait, Cockburn Channel and Beagle Channel are all off the southern coast of South America.

If something is described as being littoral, it would be found near the shore of a sea, or side of a lake.
Today's questions (answers on Friday)
1. In the Christian religion, what name is given to the highest of the Nine Orders of Angels?
2. In legal terms, what is a contemnor?
3. What is a lee tide?

Joke of the Day.

An Irishman was playing a round of golf with a colleague who he dispised because his colleague always beat him and took great pleasure in telling everyone how much better he was.


On the 16th hole the Irishman thought to himself, " I'd give anything to ace this hole." With that, a leprechaun appeared and said "I can make it possible but it will cost you one year of your sex life." The Irishman mulled for a few seconds and agreed. He teed off and the ball landed on the green and rolled gently into the hole.


On the 17th the Irishman sliced his approach into a group of trees. "Bad luck." said his partner smugly. The Leprechaun reappeared and said "I can fix that for you, but it will cost you 5 years of your sex life. Do we have a deal?" The Irishman thought about it for a while and decided it was worth it to beat his obnoxious colleague. PUFF! his ball came flying out of the trees and landed on the green.


With the round tied both men played great shots on the 18th. However, the Irishman had an impossible putt to win the game. The Leprechaun popped up again and said “If you really want to beat this eejit, I t will cost you your sex life for the rest of your life.” The Irishman thought about the proposal long and hard and decided to agree to the arrangement.


He subsequently holed the putt and his opponent stormed off in a huff. The Leprechaun appeared and rubbing his hands with glee said, “Right all the sex your going to have for the rest of your life.” The Irishman nodded. “Just for my records, what’s your name and address?” enquired the leprechaun. To which the Irishman responded:


“Father Patrick Kelly, the Church of the blessed virgin, Ennis, Co. Clare.”

Friday 18 January 2008

quiz420

Quiz 420
Wow! Can you imagine my face when I walked into The Albert last night to see a full house. 10 teams, count them 10! competed last night. The last time that happened was May 31st last year so I'm very pleased. I hope everyone enjoyed the new picture clues, sorry there weren't enough to go around. I remember saying to Don at Kallkwik in Colehill when he laser printed the 5 copies for me "You watch, after all these weeks of havin four and five teams six will turn up tomorrow." How ironic. Last night's winners were Ellie's Heroes (Who were known as The Wanderers when they were last with us several months ago, glad to see you back.) who only dropped nine points and totalling 81 pts in all. Welcome back to Day Release who were second with 76 pts and also welcome back to The Props who made up the top three just two points behind Day Release with 74 pts. Next week. Firstly, let's hope that yesterday's attendance wasn't just a flash in the pan. I will get the rest of the picture Clues version 3.0 printed as soon as I can get down to Kallkwik. As I said last night much to Bob of The Alliance's delight, next week's guest round will be Dingbats. 10 pictoral clues to a phrase or saying for the benefit of the uninitiated.
Leprechaun's Pot 'o' Gold

The question was: The longest word in the English language is how many letters long? Well everyone was miles of as the answer is 1,185 letters long, It is the scientific name for the tobacco mosaic virus and is (deep breath.)


acetylseryltyrosylserylisoleucylthreonylserylprolylserylglutaminyl-
phenylalanylvalylphenylalanylleucylserylserylvalyltryptophylalanyl-
aspartylprolylisoleucylglutamylleucylleucylasparaginylvalylcysteinyl-
threonylserylserylleucylglycylasparaginylglutaminylphenylalanyl-
glutaminylthreonylglutaminylglutaminylalanylarginylthreonylthreonyl-
glutaminylvalylglutaminylglutaminylphenylalanylserylglutaminylvalyl-
tryptophyllysylprolylphenylalanylprolylglutaminylserylthreonylvalyl-
arginylphenylalanylprolylglycylaspartylvalyltyrosyllysylvalyltyrosyl-
arginyltyrosylasparaginylalanylvalylleucylaspartylprolylleucylisoleucyl-
threonylalanylleucylleucylglycylthreonylphenylalanylaspartylthreonyl-
arginylasparaginylarginylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylvalylglutamyl-
asparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserylprolylthreonylthreonylalanylglutamyl-
threonylleucylaspartylalanylthreonylarginylarginylvalylaspartylaspartyl-
alanylthreonylvalylalanylisoleucylarginylserylalanylasparaginylisoleucyl-
asparaginylleucylvalylasparaginylglutamylleucylvalylarginylglycyl-
threonylglycylleucyltyrosylasparaginylglutaminylasparaginylthreonyl-
phenylalanylglutamylserylmethionylserylglycylleucylvalyltryptophyl-
threonylserylalanylprolylalanylserine


The letter combination yl appears in the word 166 times. Phew! (And before someone emails me telling me of a longer word, I did my research, there WERE longer words but they were deleted because they have never been used, pseudo words if you wish.) Anyway, the closest person to the answer was John of VCJD whose original idea was the bsis of the "Pot 'O' Gold". Carole informed me that £32 was collected last night so John got half the pot £16 and the other £16 rolls over to next week with the £6 from the previous week. Therefore the Pot 'O' Gold now contains £22 plus whatever we collect next week. If it isn't won, It rolls over again to January 31 when it MUST be won the whole pot which will be a tidy sum. Questions? Comments? email me at: quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Sir Trevor McDonald 2. Janet Street-Porter 3. Liz Dawn who plays her final scenes as Vera Duckworth on Coronation Street tonight 4. Jim Carrey 5. James Earl Jones who was the voice of Darth Vader 6. Sunderland's Trinadadian striker Kenwynne Jones 7. Disgraced former US sprinter Marion Jones 8. Tim Roth in a scene from Planet of the Apes 9. Leann Rimes 10. Tragic explorer Captain Lawrence "Titus" Oates "I'm just going outside, I may be some time."

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

In American musical terminology it is a 'sixteenth note'. In English terminology it is a Semi-quaver.


Mick, Aston and Davies, an old man, are the three characters in Harold Pinter's play The Caretaker.


The name of the English theatrical manager who ran the Old Vic from 1912 and later the Sadlers Wells Theatre from 1931 was Lilian Baylis.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. Vaughn Williams' song cycle 'On Wenlock Edge' is comprised of musical settings of whose poems?

2. Off the southern coast of which continent are Magellan's Strait, Cockburn Channel and Beagle Channel?

3. If something is described as being littoral, what would that tell you about its location?

Joke Of The Day:Golf Caddy Comments...


Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"Caddy: "Eventually."

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."



Monday 14 January 2008

Preperation for this week's quiz is going swimmingly. I just need to do the picture round, one song on the music tape (doing that shortly) and five questions. The guest round, True or False is almost done the only sticking point is I can't decide on a question for The Leprechaun's Pot 'O' Gold. As I said last week, the new picture clues will be laser printed on Wednesday when I go tho Kallkwik in Colehill. Questions? Comments? quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk And I'll see you all on Thursday.
Three for Fun (Friday's answers)
Rome the capital of the Italian region of Lazio.


The musical term 'ritardando' instructs a player to slow down.

Edward VII was a member of the House of Saxe-Coburg and (Gotha)

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. In American musical terminology it is a 'sixteenth note'. What is it in English terminology?

2. Mick, Aston and Davies, an old man, are the three characters in Which Harold Pinter play?

3. What was the name of the English theatrical manager who ran the Old Vic from 1912 and later the Sadlers Wells Theatre from 1931?

Joke Of The Day:Never Hire a Man to do a Woman's Job...


A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman....... She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a b*tch to death with the chair!"


Friday 11 January 2008

quiz419

Quiz 419
Oh dear, only three teams last night, I really hope things pick up soon. I'm a little late posting today because I had a rough night and I'm playing catch up with housework and laundry at the moment. Last night's winners Were The Alliance who set a new record as they only dropped one point.(The Kooks on the music tape.) 89 points for them which would've been 99 under the old format. CJD minus Viv (get well soon) were second on 80 pts and third place went to We Know Were Last with 56 points. We finally finished of the second set of picture clues with the Trevi Fountain last night and next week the third set will be ready on Wednesday. I'm seeing my friends from Kallkwik at The Globe later for a drink and a price on how much it will cost to get them laser printed. There was due to be 80 pictures but due to a numbering error on my part. There are actually 88. Next week's guest round is due to be True or False which we always have a bit of fun with.
Leprechaun's "Pot 'O' Gold"

Our first "Pot 'O' Gold" went very well, I don't know what I was so worried about. Thanks again to John for the initial idea, I think we've got a winner on our hands. Special thanks also to Carole for collecting and taking care of the monies and 'selling' it so well. The question was: What is the combined length of the Yangtse, Indus, Ganges and Mekong rivers? Pete from The Alliance was very close to the answer which is 10,158 miles so he was rewarded with half of the Leprechaun's Pot which was £6. The other £6 is banked for next week. The closest to the answer will get half of the total collected next week. But if anyone is spot on. They get the lot plus the £6 that has rolled over from this week. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk for questions and comments.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Rod Stewart 2. Jo Brand 3. George Foreman 4. William 'Buffalo Bill' Cody 5. Bernard Lee who played 'M' in the early James Bond films 6. Trevor Howard 7. Birds of a Feather actress Linda Robson 8. Bruce Forsyth 9. Newcastle United's Nigerian striker Obafemi Martins 10. Penelope Cruz.

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

The Duke of Leinster is the premier Duke and Marquess of Ireland.


The BASW, with a membership of around 7500, represents Social Workers.

A neologism is a newly coined word.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. Of which Italian region is Rome the capital?

2. What does the musical term 'ritardando' instruct a player to do?

3. Of which royal house was Edward VII a member?

Joke Of The Day:These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...


1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.


2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Works every time).


7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


11. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, colour and cost of the carpet/rug.


15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.


16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.


19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.



Monday 7 January 2008


I have had a very productive weekend. Apart from seven more questions Thursday's quiz is complete. I do however, need to find a fiendish question for The "Leprechaun's pot 'O' Gold." but I do have a few ideas. The Trackword is already to be printed as is the picture round. The only hiccough I had was with the music tape that I compiled yesterday. Sunday afternoons are always a busy time for me and I was doing three things at once and missed my que for song number 8 which, in hindsight was a blessing, for when I rewound the tape to find my place there was nothing on it! After closer inspection I discovered that the blasted machine had chewed up the tape. Grrrrrrrrr. When I checked it, only two songs had recorded so I had to start over, An hour's work down the toilet. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk as always for questions or comments and I'll see you all on Thursday unless you are taking time out tomorrow to join me at the Assembly Rooms in Corporation Street to give blood. (This will be my 60th donation.)
Three for Fun (Friday's answers)
The Russian composer who wrote the film scores for the Eisenstein films Alexander Nevsky and Ivan the Terrible was Sergei Prokofiev.

There areas called Cloister Court, Star Chamber Court and Speaker's Court in The ouse of Commons.

According to the saying, Experience is the 'teacher of fools'.
Today's questions (answers on Friday)
1. The holder of which title is the premier Duke and Marquess of Ireland?
2. The BASW, with a membership of around 7500, represents which professional group?
3. What sort of word is a neologism?
Joke Of The Day:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not beat his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me!"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God.

14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Friday 4 January 2008

quiz418

Quiz 418
It wasn't the best way to start 2008, being a side show for a birthday party. (Yes, I am having a dig.) However, we soldiered on in the face of adversity and managed to get through it just after 11am. (Though I felt like shit when I got up at 6:45am to go and throw beer barrels around.) Of the four teams we managed to scrape together, VCJD came out on top with 84 pts, The Alliance were second with 81, Painter's Radio were third with 72 points a point ahead of Pauline's Pens on 71pts. The pictures last night were not quite to their usual standard this was because halfway through printing out the quiz my black ink cartridge ran out. Then, after only two more sheets, the magenta and cyan cartridges ran out and I needed to clean the print heads 5 times! Well they do say these things are sent to try us and this new printer/scanner/copier is the business. On the plus side the subtle change of the TV and film round to entertainment seemed to go well in that I didn't hear any dissenting voices. I'm going to start next week's quiz by compiling a Trackword which is next week's guest round and I'm hoping to get the next set of picture clues ready for the following week when I'm going to get them professionally laser printed by my good friends at Kallkwik in Colehill.
" Leprechaun's Pot 'O' Gold round" should start next week with Carol from VCJD collecting and looking after the monies. So big thanks to her for that. It is a new thing so expect a few teething problems in the first few weeks.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Mel Gibson 2. Victoria Principal 3. Richard Thorp who plays Alan Turner in Emmerdale 4. Portsmouth's Icelandic defender Hermann Hreidarsson 5. Benazir Bhutto 6. Sean Bean 7. Brendan Foster CBE 8. Italian film director Sergio Leone 9. Greta Garbo 10. French supermodel Noémie Lenoir.

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

The county town of Kerry in Ireland, famous in song is Tralee. (as in the Rose of Tralee.


The term used to describe those criminal offences which are tried only by magistrates without a jury is Summary offences.


'In a Summer Garden', 'walk to the Paradise Garden' and 'On Hearing the First Cuckoo in Spring' were works by the English composer Frederick Delius.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. Which Russian composer wrote the film scores for the Eisenstein films Alexander Nevsky and Ivan the Terrible?

2. In which famous London building are there areas called Cloister Court, Star Chamber Court and Speaker's Court?

3. What, according to the saying, is the 'teacher of fools'?

Joke Of The Day:Rednecks Visit a Whorehouse...


There was 3 rednecks in New York City. One day while sight seeing they ran upon a whorehouse. Excited, they entered the whorehouse like kids entering a toy store.
The first redneck had $5.00, the second redneck had $10.00, and the third redneck had $15.00.
The first redneck approached the lady behind the desk and said " I got $5.00!
What do I get for $5.00?"
The lady spoke over the intercom and said "Ginger-- take this getleman upstairs and give him $5.00 worth!"
The first redneck came back downstairs grinning from ear to ear.
The oter two rednecks said "Man, what did you get for $5.00?"
The first redneck explained that she took it out of his pants she put whipped cream all over it, then licked it all off.
This exited the 2nd redneck and he quickly approached the lady at the desk. He said "Okay, I have $10.00!What do I get for $10.00?"
The lady spoke over the intercom and said" Tasha, take this gentleman upstairs and give him $10.00 worth!"
The 2nd redneck came downstairs, grinning from ear to ear, as if he was on Cloud Nine.
The other two rednecks met him and asked" Man, what did you get for $10.00?"
The 2nd redneck explained she took it out of his pants, put whipped cream on it, nuts and chocolate topping and she licked it all off.
This excited the 3rd redneck, so he nervously approached the lady at the desk and said, "I have $15.00. What can I get for $15.00?"
The lady turned on the intercom again and said" Melissa, take this gentleman upstairs and give him $15.00 worth!"
The 3rd redneck came downstairs with a huge frown on his face, and on the brink of tears.
Curious, the other 2 rednecks asked, "Man, why are you so sad. What could've went wrong? You had $15.00?"
The 3rd redneck said, "Boys, she took it out of my pants, put whipped cream all over it. Then she put strawberries, pineapple topping, chocolate syrup,nuts and a big cherry on top! It looked so good I ate it myself."