Quiz 404

Again only four teams last night albeit more people however I'm far from happy. John of VCJD has had some really good ideas and I thank him for that but I feel we need to get people back first! What I really want to know is why the old regular teams like The Dimwits for example don't come anymore? or any of the regular teams. That's the biggy. It's really not worth trying to implement something radical while the quiz is dying on it's arse.

Last night's winners were VCJD with 91 points just ahead of Second Place The Alliance with 90 and Third were second timers Demry's Gone with an extremely commendable 86 pts.

I've actually started next week's quiz well basically just set it up I am hoping to get the Guest Round (TV theme tunes) all done tomorrow. Suggestions please quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Boris Johnson 2. Tess Daly 3. Francesc Fabregas Billie Piper 5. Tupele Dorgu 6. Katie Holmes 7. Emily Watson 8. Anne Hathaway 9. Gail Emms 10. Keisha Buchanan

Three For Fun (Monday's answers)

There are ten ways of dismissing a batsman in cricket including bowled out, run out, caught, stumped, LBW. The rarer five are: Hit Wicket, handled ball, hit ball twice, obstructed the field, timed out.

the Flemish artist who was appointed Principal Painter to their majesties in 1632 at the court of Charles I was Anthony Van Dyke.

3. The Threepenny Opera and The Rise and Fall of the City of Mahogonny were musical collaborations between the composer Kurt Weill and the celebrated German playwright Bertolt Brecht.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. 'I sing of arms and the man' is a translation of the opening words of which ancient epic poem?

2. What name is given to the sheet of microfilm on which printed text is photographically reduced for filing?

3. In relation to vision, what does the term 'accommodation' mean?

Joke of the Day

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "They're in three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze.""What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly!The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".

This will be a briefish post (briefish, I think I just invented a new word!) as I have been ill for most of the weekend and have absolutely done for the quiz on Thursday. In fact I was so ill this morning (headache and nausea) that I couldn't look at my computer screen for too long and after being physically ill I thought thought it prudent to go back to bed for a couple of hours. When I finally got up I had to answer something like 50 emails, not counting the now obligatory message from The Bank of Africa in Burkina Faso offering me a share of several $ dollars if I help them move a sizeable sum. (Stupid w*nkers) reported and marked as spam.. for the 7th time. Anyway, I digress. Yes! Emails! Thanks to John from VCJD, I have received your suggestions but haven't had time to look at them yet, I am hoping to tomorrow but I really need to spend now and midnight on the quiz.

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

'No man is an island, entire of itself.' lines of the sixteenth-/seventeenth-century poet John Donne.

The term or word that describes the final unwinding of a complex storyline or the unravelling of the plot in drama is Denoument.

'Lilliburlero' is the signature tune of the BBC's World Service.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. There are ten ways of dismissing a batsman in cricketincluding bowled out, run out, caught, stumped, LBW. Name one of the rarer five?

2. What is the name of the Flemish artist who was appointed Principal Painter to their majesties in 1632 at the court of Charles I?

3. The Threepenny Opera and The Rise and Fall of the City of Mahogonny were musical collaborations between the composer Kurt Weill and which celebrated German playwright?

Joke of the Day.

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy. The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office, to phone his mum, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom" she says. "I did" he says. "She told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

quiz403

Quiz 403

Five teams this week. Forgive me if I don't throw my arms in the air and shout "Halleluah!" This time last year we had 10 teams, count em, 10 teams. I am interested to hear John's (VCJD) suggestion's apparently they are quite good I need them emailed to me soon please John. Thanks in advance for the input. What we really need is for people to go to their friends, neighbours, work colleagues or people they just really dislike and say, My quiz team is better than your quiz team, ner, ner, nerner, ner.and get new people to come down. We need more new teams or old ones back. Is it my fault they don't come anymore? I really need to know.I don't wan't the Albert quiz to die, in November I will be doing it for 5 years.

Last night's result, The Props Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah were last night's winners with 87 pts, The Alliance were second on 82 and VCJD were third with 80 pts. Special mention to "he New Team" who were 4th and LAD who won the wooden spoon but wo'nt be back for a while as Leah is going back to University. (Bye sweety comeback soon.)

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Sir Alan Sugar 2. Chancellor of the Exchequer, The Rt Hon Alistair Darling MP 3. Former boxer and Hell's kitchen winner Barry McGuigan 4. The late former world rally champion Colin McRae 5. Actress Julia Sawalha 6. West Ham's Carlton Cole 7. Keira Knightley 8. Birthday girl Sophia Loren 9. Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) Black-Eyed Peas singer and babe 10. Actress Carrie-Anne Moss

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

The British painter and leading exponent of pop art whose most famous works include the cover design for the Beatles LP Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band was Peter Blake.

The rank in the Christian ministry that takes its name from the Greek word meaning 'servant' is Deacon.

In medieval England, murage was a tax levied for the upkeep of Town Walls.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1.'No man is an island, entire of itself.' What is the name of the name of the sixteenth-/seventeenth-century poet who wrote these lines?

2. What term or word describes the final unwinding of a complex storyline or the unravelling of the plot in drama?

3. 'Lilliburlero' is the signature tune of of which branch of the BBC?

Joke of the Day

A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

I hope you all had a really good weekend. I usually like to give a progress report on Monday's However I would like to reiterate what I said on Friday. The Albert quiz could be on it's last legs if we do not get more bums-on-seats before the end of the month. I am still awaiting an email with suggestions as to how we can get more people in or why people are staying away. I know getting people in who usually drink in the town centre will be difficult with so many pubs and bars lowering their prices to attract the night club crowd but, someone out their must have a good idea.Come on people! Let's get our heads together.

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

To be hederated means to be crowned with a wreath of ivy.

The highest fine that magistrates may impose is £5000.

Foucault's Pendulum, The Island of the day before and The Name of the Rose are works by the Italian novelist and scholar Umberto Eco.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. What is the name of the British painter and leading exponent of pop art whose most famous works include the cover design for the Beatles LP Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band?

2. Which rank in the Christian ministry takes its name from the Greek word meaning 'servant'?

3. In medieval England, murage was a tax levied for the upkeep of what?

Joke of the Day

This is one posted on Yahoo answers by 'Honey' I liked it so much I'd thought I'd share it with you all. Thanks Honey.

Pinocchio complains to his father saying “whenever I attempt to make love to a woman, she complains of splinters.

” His father shows pity and gives Pinocchio a piece of sandpaper to smooth his willy down whenever he needs to.

A few days later during dinner his father asks, “How are the girls?” Pinocchio replies “Girls? Who needs girls?”

quiz402

Quiz 402

Let me be totally clear. The Albert quiz will not survive much longer if people don't turn up. We had 4 teams (11 people in total, pitiful) last night, 3 the week before. I am not prepared to put the effort in that I do and Kate is not prepared to keep paying out good money if no one can be bothered. If anybody has any ideas as to why we've hit a slump please let me know and maybe we can correct it, quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk otherwise one week you will turn up and there will be know quiz. Thereafter, anyone who makes that glib comment "We keep meaning to come down." will feel the sharp end of my tongue. So can please have some bums-on-seats next week because if not there may not be any point in coming anymore.

Last night's winners were Bill and Pete of The Alliance with 88pts, well done gents. Second were VCJD minus Val who is still on holiday they amassed 85pts and third were newcomers Vanessa with 78pts. I promised you last night I'd let you know what next week's guest is due to be as I couldn't remember off hand. Just checking my database and I can tell you it should be... Celebrity wordmatch. You find the word that ends one and and starts another e.g Times Table, Table Manners and in one column you will read the name of a famous person. I leave you with questions and answers and the Joke of the Day. Then I'm going to earn loads of points on Yahoo Answers http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/ Got a free mug off them on Wednesday changes colour when you put something hot in it. :D

Questions and Answers

Last night's laser-printed colour pictures that cost me £2 were: 1. England striker Michael Owen 2. Audrey Hepburn 3. Body Shop founder, the late Anita Roddick 4. Christian Bale 5. The fastest man on the planet Asafa Powell 6. French chef Raymond Blanc 7. "The Great Stoneface" Buster Keaton 8. Gemma Bissix who used to be in Eastenders and now plays Clare Cunningham in Hollyoaks 9. The first woman in space Valentina Tereshkova 10. Lingerie model and Hell's kitchen contestant Abigail Clancy (Peter Crouch is shagging her! Lucky bugger!)

Three for Fun (Tuesdays answers)

The letter P in the computer acronym HTTP stands for Protocol.

The Minoan civilisation was based on the Mediterranean island of Crete.

In Roman Britain, The Fosse Way ran between Lincoln and Bath.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. To be hederated means to be crowned with what?

2. What is the highest fine that magistrates may impose?

3. Foucault's Pendulum, The Island of the day before and The Name of the Rose are works by which Italian novelist and scholar?

Joke Of The Day: Funny Puns...(the last one is all my own work)

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jump lead walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'""That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.""Is it common?""Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A native chief was so impressed when he first saw a lavatory he started a collection of them.After a while he had a hut full of them but the build up of methane caused a massive explosion which proves the old adage, "People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."

quiz402

Quiz 402

After the poor showing last Thursday, I decided to completely forget about the quiz until now (Well, last night actually but everything keeps screwing up). Haven't done a bean. Thursday was a particularly frustrating day as my printer ran out of ink and when i spent £10 on a new one, my printer decided to commit Seppuku. I had to get my brother to come down with his printer to get me out of the shit. This coupled with the music tape having to be redone because it was the b-side of the tape that got chewed up about 8 weeks ago put me on a knife's edge. Anyway, going back through the records... The Alliance were the winners on Thursday with 84 points, CJD were second on 80 and the only other team, Day release made up the top three with 79 points.

Questions and Answers

Thursday's pictures were: 1. Big Brother 8 winner Brian Belo 2. Michael Winslow (sound effects comedian from the Police Academy movies) 3. Noddy 4. HRH Prince Charles 5. Newcastle United's Republic of Ireland star Damien Duff 6. Hell's Kitchen Chef Marco Pierre White 7. Darryl Hannah 8. Thandie Newton 9. German Chancellor Angela Merkel 10. Maria Sharapova

Three for Fun (last week's answers)

A Cardial in the Catholic Church would be addressed as 'Your Eminence'?

diacritic marks are accent marks bove or below wods or letters such as cedillas, tildes and circumflexes.

3. The name held by the Treasury solicitor who represents the Crown in matrimonial cases is the Queen's Proctor.

Today's questions (answers next week)

1. For what does the letter P stand in the computer acronym HTTP

2. The Minoan civilisation was based on which Mediterranean island?

3. In Roman Britain, which road ran between Lincoln and Bath?

Joke of the Day

A taxi driver picks up an old man and sets off down the road. After a few hundred yards the fare lent forward and tapped the cabbie on the shoulder to tell him something. Startled, the driver side-swiped a car, mounted the curb, narrowly missed a pedestrian and came to a halt just inches from a shop front. The cab went silent. After a few moments the cabbie said "Please don't ever do that again" trying to catch his breath. Concerned the old man said "I'm sorry, I never thought I would startle you like that." The cabbie said "This is my first day as a taxi driver, this time last week I was driving a hearse."

Been busy with housework all day. Well, still am actually I'm going to show the vacuum cleaner the carpet a little later just needed this diversion first. Okay As I say I've been busy so I still need a music tape, Pictures Dingbats (this week's Guest round) and 28, count em' 28 questions. I suppose I'd better get on with it, after the vacuuming, laundry, washing up etc. Oh and a shower, I smell like a badger's arse. Hope tou see you all at The Albert on Thursday.

Three for Fun (Saturday's answers)

The airport at Dyce serves the Scottish city of Aberdeen.

Table Manners, Living together and Round and Round the Garden, a trilogy by Alan Ayckbourn, are known collectively as The Norman Conquests.

Emmeline Pankhurst with her daughter Christabel, founded the Women's Social and Political Union in 1903, taking the motto 'Deeds not words'.

Today's questions (Answers on Friday)

1. A member of which rank in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church would be addressed as 'Your Eminence'?

2. Written language: What are diacritic marks?

3. What name or title is held by the Treasury solicitor who represents the Crown in matrimonial cases?

Joke of the Day: The Farmer's Prize Goat

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?" The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."