There is still a bit to do before this week's quiz is ready. The music tape needs another two songs, I haven't got the pictures ready for printing, I haven't even started the guest round which this week is a tape of ten TV theme tunes and I also need to find another twenty questions. I'm going to have a good go at it today and see what is left to do on Tuesday, Wednesday and if needs be Thursday afternoon. Finally, thanks to Viv of CJD for the Email. Anybody who wishes to contact me for any reason my address is quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk or you can leave a comment on this site.

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

the Gulf of Tonkin incident was a major event in The Vietnam War.

The UK's spying agency, MI6, is also known as the SIS. SIS stands for Secret Intelligence Service.

The War of the Spanish Succession and the War of the Austrian Succession took place in the first half of the Eighteenth century.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. What term is used in chemistry to describe the movement of a liquid through a semi-permeable membrane, from a less concentrated solution to a more concentrated one? (Bet you are glad that one didn't make it into Thursday's quiz.)

2. What, in the context of ships and the sea, is meant by the word 'jury'?

3. A slate rip, foam aspirators and BA sets are carried on which specific type of vehicle?

Joke Of The Day: Got Balls...

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.

"Hey, bitch, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!

" Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.

Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself.

"Hey, slut, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now! "

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.

The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20, 000 feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

Quiz 382

Here is today's post, just in case any body other than Margaret bothers to read it. A pretty enjoyable night last night I think, apart from the noisy gobshite in the bar.Seven teams competed at the Albert last night, of those, the Alliance were our winners with 95pts the Magic Numbers came in second with 93pts and CJD were third with 92. It was nice to see the Book Ends back again.

Now let me address the question about David and Goliath in last night's guest round. From the book of Samuel.

1 Samuel 17.51
Then David ran and stood over him; with the Philistine's own sword (which he drew from its sheath) he dispatched him and cut off his head. When they saw that their hero was dead, the Philistines took to flight.

I now consider the matter closed and I do not want reams and reams of bumf downloaded off the Internet waved under my nose next Thursday... On pain of death.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Uri Geller 2. Carry On star Sid James 3. One of my favourite actors James Woods 4. Tom Cruise 5. Former Question of Sport host David 'Extraordinary' Coleman 6. Koo Stark 7. Middlesbrough's Nigerian striker Ayegbeni Yakubu 8. Australin superbabe Elle Macpherson 9. Former Dutch athlete Fanny Blankers Koen 'The Flying Housewife' 10. Abraham Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

Cornish-born Robert Fitzsimmons was the only British-born undisputed heavyweight boxing world champion (1897).

The Latin phrase De die in diem means From day to day.

During the American War of Independence, Admiral Lord Richard commanded the British sea forces, while his brother, Sir William, commanded the land forces. Their family name was Howe.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. In which war was the Gulf of Tonkin incident a major event in 1964?

2. The UK's spying agency, MI6, is also known as the SIS. What does SIS stand for?

3. The War of the Spanish Succession and the War of the Austrian Succession took place in the first half of which century?

Joke Of The Day:The Contestant...

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.
Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.
"I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow!"
"Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied.
Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"
"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'
And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'"
Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep, with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
"The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.
And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.
The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.
"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds."
"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"

Thank you Margaret for your words of support, But if you want me to fix the quiz its gonna cost you a bit more than that. shall we say £10?

Disclaimer: In no way shape or form does Quizard condone cheating, any one caught doing so will be beaten with a wet haddock.

For what it is worth I only need another seven questions to finish this week's quiz. The picture round was at the 'ready to print stage early Saturday morning, as was the guest round which this week is Connections. nine general knowledge questions with a clue in either the question or answer which will provide the answer to question 10. What's the Connection. Earlier this afternoon I put the last two songs on the music tape and have just timed it at 3 minutes 10 seconds which is just about the right length. Now check out the Three for fun answers, have a go at today's questions and don't forget the Joke of the day at the end of this post.

Three for fun (Friday's answers)

The two ethnic groups that comprise most of the population of Rwanda and Burundi are Tutsi and Hutu.

Hyalography is the art of writing or engraving on glass.

On entering the UK at ports and airports the three colour-coded channels: one for nothing to declare, one for travellers from an EU country, and one for travellers from a non EU country with something to declare are green, blue and red.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. What is the Cornish-born Robert Fitzsimmons place in the history of sport?

2. What does the Latin phrase De die in diem mean?

3. During the American War of Independence, Admiral Lord Richard commanded the British sea forces, while his brother, Sir William, commanded the land forces. What is their family name?

Joke Of The Day: Smart boy...

An old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbour's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says back, "Catch me some ducks."
The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
The old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy says, "It's a pussy willow."
The old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."

Quiz 381

Last night was bloody horrendous, I can't remember a time when a quiz went so badly. Apologies again to The Magic Numbers who I originally declared the winners only to discover that I'd made an error on the score sheet. In fact The Alliance were our winners with 92pts, The Magic Numbers were second with 90pts and Last Night of the Props were third on 84pts. I've got a good head start on next week's quiz so I'm going to take it easy today and pick up again tomorrow. Don't forget to check out the NASA joke at the end of this post.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Tory party leader David Cameron 2. Comedian Paul Whitehouse 3. BBC sport's presenter and former tennis player Sue Barker 4. Former Comedian Frankie Howerd 5. Grace Kelly 6. Aston Villa's Czech midfielder Patrik Berger 7. Orinoco from the Wombes 8. Prince Williams former girlfriend Kate Middleton 9. Jayne Mansfield 10. Actress Naomi Watts

Three for fun (Monday's answers)

The six divisions into which England and Wales are divided for legal purposes are known as circuits.

Princess Margaret and Princess Alexandra were first cousins.

The name of the three musketeers in the novel by Alexander Dumas were Athos, Porthos and Aramis.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. What are the names of the two ethnic groups that comprise most of the population of Rwanda and Burundi?

2. Hyalography is the art of writing or engraving on what substance or surface?

3. On entering the UK at ports and airports, there are three colour-coded channels: one for nothing to declare, one for travellers from an EU country, and one for travellers from a non EU country with something to declare. What are the three colours?

Joke of the Day

Nasa finds a solution to its space shuttle programme budget defecit.

This week's quiz is almost finished. I need two more questions and a picture round and then its complete. The guest round this week is Celebrity Wordmatch, guess the twelve words that finish the first clue word and start the second and one column will spell out the name of a famous celebrity. The twelve words are worth half a point each and the celebrity is worth four points. Clear as mud isn't it. All will become clear on Thursday night. I managed to update the welcome sheets that explain the rules now with Website and Email details and I finally printed out the next load of Picture clues. Hoorah! We have 60 pictures on the two sheets which should last until around the end of November. Today, I plan on getting the final picture round ready for printing, I'm not going to print it out just yet in case I decide to put someone new in before now and Thursday, the same goes for the quiz itself. I may also find the time to get a few music tapes prepared for the forthcoming weeks.

Three for fun (Friday's answers)

UThant, Secretary General of the UN from 1961 to 1971 was Burmese.

The name of the mineral hardness scale on which talc registers 1, and diamond registers 10 is the Mohs scale.

In language, parachronism is an error in dating.

Today,s questions (answers on Friday)

1. What name is given to the six divisions into which England and Wales are divided for legal purposes?

2. What relationship was Princess Margaret to Princess Alexandra?

3. The Three Musketeers, by Alexander Dumas: what were the name of the musketeers?

Joke of the Day:

Best Quote Of 2007? By Chris Rock, comedian 2-28-07

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.

Quiz 380

I'm sorry last night's quiz was a little to film orientated, I accept that criticism and promise to be a little more mindful of content from now on. It is hard however, when you don't have anyone proof reading for you, as you may well know you never proof read your own work as it is very likely that you would skip over a mistake without realising. Putting the quiz together is like trying to fly the Starship Enterprise with just a ZX81 and a couple of Texas Speak and Spells. Of the seven teams that took part at The Albert last night CJD ran out the winners with 93pts ending The Alliance's four week winning streak. The Alliance themselves came joint second along with The Magic Numbers both with 89pts.

In other news, I bought a new mug on Wednesday to replace the one that got smashed a couple of weeks ago, I wonder if I will still have this one in 18 years time. The next round of picture clues should be ready for next week, I have 59 pictures done and number 60 is ready to be edited on to the sheet. Then, I just need to print out a copy to make sure none of the pictures are cut off. Last night I had a visit from an old quizzer who hasn't been to The Albert for quite a while. He said he was writing quizzes of his own right now (Damn fool!) and would I be so good as to print out 20 copies of an old flags round for him for a quiz he is doing later this month to raise funds for the Staffordshire Air Ambulance. Of course I told him to 'F**k right off!' No I didn't, I found the file last night after I staggered home and shall be printing them out sometime over the weekend and will be giving him them next week when he turns up with a team... Hopefully.

Questions and Answers

Last night's pictures were: 1. Andy Garcia who celebrated his 51st birthday yesterday. 2. Dougal from The Magic Roundabout. 3. Former singer actor Sonny Bono whose last big hit was an Aspen tree. 4. Former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. 5. Nicole Kidman. 6. TV presenter Davina McCall.7. Singer David Cassidy. 8. Britain's F1 driver Lewis Hamilton. 9. Manchester City and Belgian striker Emile Mpenza. 10. Robert De Niro.

Three for fun (Monday's answers)

Harold Wilson lead the Labour Party in five general elections (won four, lost one).

With its headquarters in Addis Ababa, the OAU is the Organization of African Unity.

The three treasury ministers in the Cabinet are the Prime Minister, the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

Today's Three for fun (answers on Monday)

1. What nationality was UThant, Secretary General of the UN from 1961 to 1971?

2. What is the name of the mineral hardness scale on which talc registers 1, and diamond registers 10?

3. In language, what sort of error is parachronism?

Joke of the Day:

An old Jewish woman is walking down the street when a flasher jumps out and fully opens his raincoat, the Jewish woman takes one look and says. "Pfft! You call that a lining?"

Well, You start off with the best of intentions and then things get ahead of you. I had intended to get a lot of work done this weekend but surprise, surprise I got practically shag all done and what I have done I'm not totally happy with, its going to need a lot of tweaking between now and Thursday. I didn't even get round to putting that FAQ section in my profile.This week's guest round is pencilled in as Pyramid, four questions 1 being a one-part answer 2 being a two-part answer and so on but as I said I'm totally happy with it. At the moment I'm trying to type out this blog and also keep one eye on the kitchen as I'm making some cheese on toast. Why is it, that when you've got toast under the grill, you can watch it diligently and it doesn't brown but the moment you turn your back for a few seconds, it decides to commit suicide by means of incineration??? Anyway, I let you enjoy the rest of the Bank Holiday and I'll see you all on Thursday at The Albert.

Three for fun (Friday's answers)

A Belverdere is the sort of structure, usually built in an elevated position, takes its name from the Italian for 'beautiful view'?

A statue of Richard I (the Lionheart) on horseback with a sword in his raised right hand, stands outside the Houses of Parliament in Old Palace Yard?

In a Gilbert and Sullivan opera, the profession of John Wellington Wells is also the title of the opera, that opera is The Sorceror.

Mmmmmmmmm gooey cheese yum.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. In how many general elections did Harold Wilson lead the Labour Party?

2. With its headquarters in Addis Ababa, what is the OAU?

3. There are three treasury ministers in the Cabinet: the Prime Minister, the Chancellor of the Exchequer and which other post?

Joke of the Day:

Quiz 379

I'm late. I'm late, for a very important date! A sequence of unrelated events that are to numerous and boring to go into are the reason that this post will be published in a few minutes, that is the early hours of Saturday morning. We had 8 teams competing at The Albert on Thursday and in a close run quiz A much depleted Alliance ran out the winners with an impressive 95pts, (there fourth win in a row, no team has won more than four weeks in a row since The Magic Numbers won the last five quizzes of 2005) CJD were second with 93 and The Magic Numbers were third 92pts. Once again happy Birthday Isa, hope you had a great day.

This weekend I want to get on with the new set of picture clues as we haven't had any since just before Christmas. I have 1 sheet ready, I just need some ideas for the second sheet. If I remember I'll give you an update in Monday's post. Oh, and I also want to put a FAQ section in my profile on this site if I get chance.

Questions and Answers

Thursday's pictures were: 1. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon who runs the Kwiki Mart in The Simpsons. 2. Kate Ford Who plays Tracy Barlow in Coronation Street and was sent to prison for murder on Monday night. (Its not real) 3. Actor Spencer Tracy 4. England and Bayern Munich fotballer Owen Hargreaves 5. Actress Bette Davis 6. Former Abba singer Agnetha Fältskog 7. Frank Gorshin who played The Riddler in the original Batman TV series of the 60s 8. West Indies cricket legend Sir Garfield (Garry) Sobers 9. Actress Sienna Miller 10. Native American princess Pocahontas. (very different from her Disney version isn't she).

Next Year, Disney will be releasing a yet untitled animation that tells the story of how American forces won the battle of Trafalgar and then rushed (albeit 10 years later, but when did Disney let the truth get in the way of a good story.) to save Wellington's bacon at Waterloo.

Three for fun (Monday's answers)

In Charles Kingsley's The Water Babies there are two memorable governess characters. Mrs Do-as-you-would-be-done-by is one, the other is Mrs Be-done-by-as-you-did.

England and Scotland fought the Bishops' Wars of 1639 and 1640

In business, the name for the point at which the income from sales covers the cost of production, with neither profit nor loss being made is called the break-even point.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. Architecture: What sort of structure, usually built in an elevated position, takes its name from the Italian for 'beautiful view'?

2. London landmarks: A statue of which twelfth-century English king, on horseback with a sword in his raised right hand, stands outside the Houses of Parliament in Old Palace Yard?

3. Music: In a Gilbert and Sullivan opera, the profession of John Wellington Wells is also the title of the opera. Which one?

Joke of the Day

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a Guinness and a shot of whiskey for my friend here."

There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spat in the guy's face. Then he ran back.

The guy with the box said, "I'll have another Guinness and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spat in the man's face, then dashed back.

The guy with the box ordered another Guinness for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.

He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your dick off."

The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have dicks."

Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?"

"By spitting," said the leprechaun.

I need about 30 questions to finish this week's quiz including the picture round and the the guest round which this week is the turn of True or False, 10 statements two possible answers, we always have a bit of fun with this one. I'm posting earlier today as my dad is over for a visit and I'm waiting in to see him as we've not seen each other for a couple of years so we've got some catching up to do. See you all on Thursday.

Three for fun (Friday's answers)

Humbley Grove and Stockbridge in Hampshire, Palmer's Wood in Surrey Welton in Lincolnshire are all Onshore oil fields

Lindisfarne monestery, on Holy Island off the coast of Northumberland, was founded by the seventh-century Irish monk St Aidan

In a proportional representation system of voting, the abbreviation STV stands for Single Transferable Vote.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. In Charles Kingsley's The Water Babies there are two memorable governess characters. Mrs Do-as-you-would-be-done-by is one, what is the name of the other?

2. Which two countries fought the Bishops' Wars of 1639 and 1640?

3. In business, what is the name for the point at which the income from sales covers the cost of production, with neither profit nor loss being made?

Joke of the Day:

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world. With a poof!

The wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.

"Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"