There I was searching the internet for some celebrities to put into this week's Picture Round when I got a 'ping'. It was an email from Viv from VCJD entitled 'huh'. I'm not going to divulge its contacts, suffice to say people shouldn't try and second guess what I'm going to put in the quiz. Hehehehehe. Thanks for the message anyway Viv and reminding me that I hadn't published today's post. D'oh! This week's quiz is progressing well, I managed to compile the music tape in about thirty minutes yesterday afternoon and the guest round (Trackword) was typed out and ready for printing before lunchtime yesterday. As I said at the beginning I still have the pictures to do and about 20 questions. Hope to see all of you on Thursday.

Three for Fun (Saturday's answers)

The throne of Denmark is inherited by the Prince of Norway after the heir to the throne is killed by a poisoned sword in Shakespeare's Hamlet.

The first line of "The Soldier" is 'If I should die, think only this of me.' Was written by Rupert Brooke

The 'Lisa' and, more recently, the 'Macintosh', are personal computers developed by Apple.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. The trapezium is a bone in which part of the human body?

2. Cross Fell is the highest peak in Which British mountain range?

3. In 2004, Piers Morgan was sacked as the editor of which daily newspaper?

Joke of the Day Selling the Green Suit...

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.The owner replies,

"Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!

"Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.

As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"

quiz398

Quiz 398

Sorry for the late update but I've been waiting for the police to call since Tuesda y. I won't go into to many details but my neighbour was burgled on Tuesday, I got a good look at the prime suspect and have been waiting since Tuesday afternoon to give a statement. Yes. I know exactly what you're thinking. Anyway yesterday I decided to open a new word file and type out everything that happened on Tuesday while it was still lucid. So, anyway, I've lost a days work so I'm going to pull my socks up and get some stuff done over the weekend. Winners! almost forgot. The Alliance were our winners with 90 pts VCJD were second with 89 and third place went to newbies Leah and Dave of Give me a Bovril with 79. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk for all your quiz needs between now and next Thursday.

Questions and Answers

Thursday night's pictures were: 1. Coronation Street star Anthony Cotton 2. Arsenal's Dutch striker Robin Van Persie 3. Chris Tarrant 4. Simpsons creator Matt Groening 5. Russian Premier Vladimir Putin 6. Indian spin bowler Anil Kumble 7. Madonna 8. Demi Moore 9. Ben Affleck 10. Sienna Miller

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

The musical instrument that takes its name from the Greek word meaning "sweet voiced" is the euphonium.

King John was known as "Lackland"

Madonna and Guy Ritchie's son, who was born in 2000 is called Rocco.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. The throne of which country, in a Shakespeare play, is inherited by the Prince of Norway after the heir to the throne is killed by a poisoned sword?

2. The first line of "The Soldier" is 'If I should die, think only this of me.' Who wrote this poem?

3. The 'Lisa' and, more recently, the 'Macintosh', are personal computers developed by which company?

Joke of the Day.

Stupid people awards

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).

The 1997 nominees are:

NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

NOMINEE No.2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo,Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could asthe source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

NOMINEE No.3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson. 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

NOMINEE No.4 [UIPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto Skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

NOMINEE No.5 [Bloomburg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage(and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut, up in his, near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

NOMINEE No..6 [The News of the Weird.] Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

NOMINEE NO.7["The. Indianapolis Star"] A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion - Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

NOMINEE No.8 lAP, St. Louis] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store; paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

NOMINEE No.9 [Unknown] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

NOMINEE No.10 [Associated Press, Kincaid] Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party. A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tougue state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, 'I'II show you how to set it off." Yet Another Darwin award candidate - or pair of candidates -- this just might be the winner!

Oh sorry, I forgot about you lot. I've been quite busy today and the blog update totally got away from me. So now I'm trying to type and dish up dinner for one. Chicken, chips, sweet corn, mushrooms, stuffing and gravy yum! Typing with my mouthful apologies. For this Thursday I need to do the picture round, two songs to finish the music tape and 12 questions. The guest round is Reverse Scattergories which is self-explanitory.

Three for Fun (Friday's answers)

Joseph Lister's method of treating surgical wounds using carbolic acid to prevent septic infection revolutionized modern

The musical term 'diminuendo' means Become gradually softer

The Court of Justice of the European Communities sits in Luxembourg

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. Which musical instrument takes its name from the Greek word meaning "sweet voiced"?

2. Which King of England was known as "Lackland"?

3. What is the name of Madonna and Guy Ritchie's son, who was born in 2000?

Joke of the Day

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

quiz397

Quiz 397

I don't know how long it will take to type out and publish this post as my PC is running a little slow at the moment (I'm downloading porn shhhhh!) Firstly, a message for Pete of The Alliance. If you made it this far you're doing really well. You need the Golden Key from the Leprechaun King to get to the next level through the Emerald Door. We only had 5 teams at The Albert last night which was a little disapointing. However, It wasn't a bad night. First place went to The Alliance with 93pts, VCJD came second a point back on 92 and in third place were Velcro Advocados (Who've been away far too long. Welcome back.) with 75pts. Just before Questions and Answers, (must remember to put the Caricature answers in for Bill and his smartarse mate his words not mine.) Anyone wishing to contact me for any reason between now and next Thursday my email as always is quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk

Finally, A cautionary word about the joke of the day at the end of this post. It is photograph taken by a friend of mine that graphically shows a road traffic accident. Anyone who is easily upset should not look at it. Many of the victims can be seen in various states of distress. My friend assures me that after taking this picture he stayed at the scene for several hours giving mouth-to-mouth to several of the survivors.

Questions and Answers

Last night's caricatures were: 1. Ken Stott 2. Al Murray 3. Zach Braff (from Scrubs)4. Kevin Whately (Inspector Lewis) 5. Dermot Morgan (Father Ted) 6. Ray Mears 7. Dennis Waterman 8. Jeremy Brett (TV Sherlock Holmes) 9. John McEnroe 10. John Barryman (Capt Jack Harkness, Dr Who and Torchwood)

Last night's pictures were: 1. Liz Dawn who plays Vera Duckworth on Coronation Street 2. Wild West outlaw Butch Cassidy 3. Rt Hon David Miliband, MP for South Shields & Minister of Communities & Local Government 4. Betty Boop 5. Roger Lloyd Pack best known for playing Trigger in Only Fools and Horses 6. Former tennis player Rod Laver 7. Melanie Griffith 8. Robert Shaw who was Quint in Jaws ("Here's to swimmin with bow-legged women) 9. Liverpool's Spanish striker Fernando Torres 10 ITV newsreader and Royal Correspondent Romilly Weeks

Three for Fun (Monday's answers)

Praline is another name for Sugared Almonds

Mick Jagger played the title role in the 1970 film Ned Kelly

The ancient Egyptians wrote on papyrus, made from stems of the papyrus plant. This was replaced gradually by parchment. parchment was made from treated animal skins.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. Whose method of treating surgical wounds using carbolic acid to prevent septic infection revolutionized modern surgery?

2. What does the musical term 'diminuendo' mean?

3. In which country does the Court of Justice of the European Communities sit?

Joke of the Day

I've been a busy bee today hence, the late post. I wanted to get a lot done this weekend but got caught up with other things so this week's quiz is only half finished. I did manage to choose a subject for the Tempus Fugit (time flies) round and got the Guest Round done which this week is Caracatures. for anyone having trouble getting hold of the Premiership football joke that I mentioned on Friday, type this address into your address bar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg5HsG7AN1Y Enjoy. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk is my email as always hope to see you all on Thursday I'll leave you with Three For Fun and the Joke of the Day then I'm going to earn loads of points on Yahoo Answers http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/ Try it it's fun.

Three For Fun (Friday's answers)

John Bunyan wrote The Pilgrim's Progress in the 17th century.

The northernmost of the four main islands of Japan is Hokkaido.

In Indian Cuisine, roti is Bread.

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. Praline is another name for which sweet delicacy?

2.Which Rock star played the title role in the 1970 film Ned Kelly?

3. The ancient Egyptians wrote on papyrus, made from stems of the papyrus plant. This was replaced gradually by parchment. What was parchment made from?

Joke of the Day: The Secret Diary of a Cat

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, inattempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

quiz396

Quiz 396

10 years on Saturday, what the hell was I thinking whe n I did that first quiz? Anyway, I'm update the "My Profile" over the weekend to share a few memories with you all. Last night was very quiet, only five teams. I'm guessing that everyone else was basking in the rare appearance of the sun. The Alliance were last night's winners with 91 points, VCJD were second with 89 and The Magic Numbers made up the three coming third with 83. All-in-all I was quite pleased with the way the quiz went. all five teams scored 70pts or higher which is what I tend to aim for. my email as always is quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk for anyone wishing to contact me between now and next Thursday with questions, comments credit card details etc. Okay before questions and answers, the link I emailed to Bill yesterday. Cast your minds back to the the last day of the Premiership season when Sheffield United were relegated. www.tinyurl.com/2ea4p3 Not suitable for children or Sheffield United fans.

Yesterday's pictures were: 1. Former Eastender and comic the late Mike Reid 2. Bruce Jones who plays Les Battersby in Coronation Street 3. Former England football captain Bobby Moore 4. X-Files actress Gillian Anderson 5. Actor Peter O'Toole who was 75 years old yesterday 6. Film producer Samuel Goldwyn 7. Indian cricketer Sourav Ganguly 8. Karen Carpenter 9. John. F. Kennedy 10. Elisha Cuthbert.

Three For Fun (Monday's answers)

Mickey Spillane created the uncompromising private eye Mike Hammer

In France, a "gigot" is a joint of Lamb.

The Walker Art Gallery is situated in Liverpool.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. In which century did John Bunyan write The Pilgrim's Progress?

2. Which is the northernmost of the four main islands of Japan?

3. In Indian Cuisine, what is roti?

Joke of the Day

duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender. The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want." The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes." The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!" The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!"The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you have?!" "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?" "Good, got any grapes?"

I seem to have run into a mental block. I started this week's quiz with such gusto, But I have come to a grinding halt. I still need 22 questions for the birthday quiz on Thursday including the Picture Round and the Guest Round which this week is Who Am I? five clues to a famous person. And therein lies the problem, I can't think which celebrity to pick. I want to get as much done today and tomorrow because I've got a busy day Wednesday. I've a job on in the morning, shopping with mother in the afternoon (always an interesting experience) and I've got an appointment at the doctor's later to get my cholesterol results. Ergo, I don't want to wake up Thursday morning with too much to do. Hope to see you all on Thursday possibly with some questions you would like to see in the Birthday blog on Friday. quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk between now and then if you have any questions or comments.

Three For Fun (Friday's answers)

the Academy of St Martin's in the Fields is a chamber orchestra

The letter "F" in the name of the American writer F Scott Fitzgerald stood for Francis.

The French dish "clafoutis" is type of dessert. (clafoutis, is a custard-like baked French dessert that is typically made by baking fresh fruit (traditionally cherries) and a batter, somewhat similar to pancakebatter, in a baking dish.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clafoutis

Today's questions (answers on Friday)

1. Who created the uncompromising private eye Mike Hammer?

2. In France, a "gigot" is a joint of which meat?

3. The Walker Art Gallery is situated in which British city?

Joke of the Day

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the USA, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside Magazine)

Grand Canyon National Park...

Was this man-made?

Do you light it up at night?

I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?

So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park...

Are the alligators real?

Are the baby alligators for sale?

Where are all the rides?

What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska)...

What time do you feed the bears?

Can you show me where the yeti lives?

How often do you mow the tundra?

How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park... (cliff dwelling of the ancestral Pueblo people who made it their home for over 700 years, from A.D. 600 to A.D. 1300.)

Did people build this, or did Indians?

Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?

What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?

Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?

Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park... (More than 85 caves underlie the park)

How much of the cave is underground?

So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?

Does it ever rain in here?

How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?

So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park...

Where are the cages for the animals?

What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?

Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Yellowstone National Park...

Does Old Faithful erupt at night?

How do you turn it on?

When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?

We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?