quiz402

Quiz 402

Let me be totally clear. The Albert quiz will not survive much longer if people don't turn up. We had 4 teams (11 people in total, pitiful) last night, 3 the week before. I am not prepared to put the effort in that I do and Kate is not prepared to keep paying out good money if no one can be bothered. If anybody has any ideas as to why we've hit a slump please let me know and maybe we can correct it, quizard_97@yahoo.co.uk otherwise one week you will turn up and there will be know quiz. Thereafter, anyone who makes that glib comment "We keep meaning to come down." will feel the sharp end of my tongue. So can please have some bums-on-seats next week because if not there may not be any point in coming anymore.

Last night's winners were Bill and Pete of The Alliance with 88pts, well done gents. Second were VCJD minus Val who is still on holiday they amassed 85pts and third were newcomers Vanessa with 78pts. I promised you last night I'd let you know what next week's guest is due to be as I couldn't remember off hand. Just checking my database and I can tell you it should be... Celebrity wordmatch. You find the word that ends one and and starts another e.g Times Table, Table Manners and in one column you will read the name of a famous person. I leave you with questions and answers and the Joke of the Day. Then I'm going to earn loads of points on Yahoo Answers http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/ Got a free mug off them on Wednesday changes colour when you put something hot in it. :D

Questions and Answers

Last night's laser-printed colour pictures that cost me £2 were: 1. England striker Michael Owen 2. Audrey Hepburn 3. Body Shop founder, the late Anita Roddick 4. Christian Bale 5. The fastest man on the planet Asafa Powell 6. French chef Raymond Blanc 7. "The Great Stoneface" Buster Keaton 8. Gemma Bissix who used to be in Eastenders and now plays Clare Cunningham in Hollyoaks 9. The first woman in space Valentina Tereshkova 10. Lingerie model and Hell's kitchen contestant Abigail Clancy (Peter Crouch is shagging her! Lucky bugger!)

Three for Fun (Tuesdays answers)

The letter P in the computer acronym HTTP stands for Protocol.

The Minoan civilisation was based on the Mediterranean island of Crete.

In Roman Britain, The Fosse Way ran between Lincoln and Bath.

Today's questions (answers on Monday)

1. To be hederated means to be crowned with what?

2. What is the highest fine that magistrates may impose?

3. Foucault's Pendulum, The Island of the day before and The Name of the Rose are works by which Italian novelist and scholar?

Joke Of The Day: Funny Puns...(the last one is all my own work)

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jump lead walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'""That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.""Is it common?""Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A native chief was so impressed when he first saw a lavatory he started a collection of them.After a while he had a hut full of them but the build up of methane caused a massive explosion which proves the old adage, "People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."